First dates. .further examined

So we all know that I try not to be too "judge-y".. maybe this is the problem with me & dating.  My counselor seems to allude to the fact that I could be more selective at times.  But hey, I'm too old to keep up certain things about a dream guy like hair color, height, sharing all the same interests as me, etc.

I try to hold fast to a few things that are actually important - religious beliefs/values, non-smoker, hopefully has a job, in the age range that I'm looking (this varies but it's usually my age.. nearly 28.. up to early forties).  You know, the basics.  Beyond that, other things are a bonus.  I have a knack for finding guys who are less than handy so I may start looking to specifically date a plumber or electrician or "handy man" as a trade.  

I'll go on a first date with anyone with the basic credentials as previously stated.  I'll also go on a 2nd date with anyone who does not seem to be a serial killer

   do I know what these are..no not really but now I do because I looked it up:

    Dr. Phil's 14 signs of a serial killer

   [If someone discloses that they are involved in tormenting small creatures, they could be a serial killer.]

Or if I can tell by date 1 that they are not over their ex/take me to a date with only outdoor portable restrooms (see previous post), then they are not 2nd date worthy.

I'm trying to think of what some other traits I should pinpoint as deal breakers should be..you should help me add to these please..comments are requested!

What I should add to my list of first date deal breakers:

-Talking about not being able to pay their mortgage right now & that they hope their parents will just help them out (This happened. He was 33, I think & had time to get a 2nd job but just didn't want to do it.  We went on several more dates, oops).  Red flag missed

-Their ex calls them more than once through the course of the date & they are not having an emergency with a child from their relationship.

-They mention the word marriage & they are referring to us (this actually happened on a 2nd date, not a first but still, um, another red flag gone by the wayside.. it did creep me out a bit but I moved forward anyway)
-(if met through online dating site) - They lied about ANYTHING in their profile.  If they said they had blue eyes & they are bluish green, deal breaker.  One strike & they are out on this one.

Things that currently make me hesitate before a 2nd date but maybe should not:

-They had really bad breath (especially if we didn't kiss & I already know that..)

-They are skinnier than me.  This could actually be okay as a factor, if I'm not too picky or crazy about it..according to Dr. Neil Clark Warren & "Finding the Love of Your Life" because you should be physically attracted to that person eventually or in some way.
-They have a really nice car.  I like to think that I'm not so vain & that I don't care about outward appearance stuff as much & wouldn't want someone who cares enough to drive a crazy nice sports car or something..but there could probably be worse things ;) (see above!)

Online dating profiles - the "slightly" adjusted truth

So it's not a secret to most people that I've been on & off multiple dating websites for um who knows how long.. but when I go back to them I seem to always find my way to old reliable match.com.  After the end of a significant relationship & taking a little time to catch my balance & readjust to being single again, one evening I went into a fit of rage at my mopy self, reactivated & did some major upgrades on my match profile.  Then I began the process of sorting through profiles, winks, emails & what texting/dates (5 so far) it has led to..  after a date last night I first wanted to enlighten everyone into some of the ways that people can lie on their profile.  

Let me first say, I've met a lot of men on this site who are good guys (not serial killers or rapists), have even dated some for several months & for the most part I've found that the majority of profiles are honest & accurate.  I've heard from guys that they've met a lot of women that looked nothing like their 5 year old profile pics.. I guess this happens so much so that a lot of men now have a rant in their profiles about having recent pictures.

And really, despite some of the stretched truths that I'm about to discuss, even those guys were just typical men out there trying to do their things.  They are no different than the people we work, play, & possibly go to church with..  In my previous online dating experiences, there hasn't been as much truth stretching but this time around I've run into a few white liars so far.

So the biggest lie I've found so far this time is Location - one guy put that he lives in City A (where I live) but I now know he actually lives about 3 1/2 hours from there.  If you're not familiar with Match, you can post what area you are from & the distance away from it that you are willing to meet someone so you could make that 300 miles if you wanted to find someone across the state or in nearby states.  And you do not get force matched up with people so you can view all profiles.. if you're looking to date someone in a city where you don't live (i.e. DreamCity USA), you can easily search for them.  You do not need to lie about your whereabouts on your profile..obviously when we start texting, in my case, I will find out that you really don't live here & be more annoyed that you lied about it.  I was excited to meet you & probably wouldn't have cared about the distance, had you disclosed it up front.  Between that and some other early red flags, no thanks.  Weird.  Even weirder possibly is lying about your location within the city.  This happened with a guy that I actually dated for several months.  It's not surprising now/should've been a red flag but I am awesome at overlooking red flags & just thinking that something is a little strange.  Said location liar #2, put a different "area of town/city/zipcode" than where he really lives (he's actually on the complete opposite side of town at least 30 miles from there) because he thinks that women stereotype men of his gender who live in the actual metro area of our city.  Hello, do you really want a woman who would stereotype you based on that anyway?  It's not a big deal where he really lives but these small lies indicate something, I think.  I'll go with my gut from now on for any small profile liars.

The worst part about any profile lie - it makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. In a world where I can't keep up with everyone's demographics to begin with.. you're making me feel even more crazy by having to look up your profile & confirm or deny what I thought I read versus what I'm now finding out.  Sorry but my memory of your profile is usually right. 

Shoot, except I was just wrong.  I went on a date last night & I swear he didn't mark that he was divorced but I just looked up his profile & he does include that accurate info.  I'm pretty sure that he didn't have it that way all along & that he did not indicate that he had a child previously either but now his profile says that he does, maybe someone already called him out on it.  Or my memory might have messed up this time, there's no way to know.  This is why I need a "little black book" dating app.  If you know a computer programmer that I can work with to design one, let me know.  I'm open to dating guys who were divorced/have children but you should not lie about it on your profile.  Once again, why would you want to date someone who is not open to that anyway?!  You're going to woo them so much & then drop the bomb?  No.

Oh, and I know someone whom I see smoking fairly frequently & he lists himself as a non-smoker.  Again, this one is going to come out.  Quit smoking or change your profile.  Especially because you might go on a date with a dental hygienist, such as one of my bffs, who will notice your smoker's teeth in .2 seconds & may or may not even change her mind about sharing a meal with this big liar.  Or me who has no sense of smell except for cigarette smoke yuck, but who am I kidding, I'd stay for the dinner or drink & tell myself maybe you are quitting smoking tomorrow =)

One more easily lied about fact is height but that's such a dilemma that it needs an entire post to itself.

As far as the truth in advertising with profile pictures go - I've only been a few dates where I didn't recognize the person & they were all recent.  One of the guys had gained some weight I think (not in a bad way, just looked different) & the other one had more facial hair & longer hair than I remembered in his profile pics.  I also haven't been getting on the site lately, I've just been texting some guys for a while & then meeting them.  I guess should go back & remind myself of the high points of their profile/their faces before I show up on the dates.  Again, little black book app needed.  Oh well, it's kind of funny to have an awkward meeting/look at each other strangely in the entryway of a restaurant or stumble up to a random person who is at a table alone & see what they say.  Maybe one day I'll do that to the wrong man altogether & he will end up being "my true love..."  bahah.  Yep, that's how it's going to go down.  Stay tuned for that & more fun later friends.  Please share comments, advice, similar grievances & such.