eRobbery..ugh

Oh, I'm so annoyed.  I knew that this would happen.  I signed up for a "free 7 day" communication trial on eHarmony & knew that I needed to cancel it or I'd have to pay for 3 months worth.. and I didn't cancel it.
And I found out from the trial that the site is horrible and does not seem to be worth the money at all.
It's all a racket!!  (as my mom would say)  I guess people trust the site & somehow people on it, more than others.  And are willing to pay a lot of money to converse online with all the conservative men in Rural USA.  Yuck, I didn't want to but I guess I've forced my own hand.
Maybe it was subconscious.
A friend at work said it's to balance out the fact that I'm meeting back up with my ex an considering talking to him again.  Yep, that's what I get for doing that I suppose.  Maybe it will end up being a better distraction than expected.  "YOU NEVER KNOW"
I do like the forced matching.. if the matches were better =)  Unlike Match, you cannot go out & search/message anyone.  You have to be "matched" with them.  Which saves you time sorting through & weeding out the 70 year old men, smokers & 5'5" men.
Anyway, I had to vent!  Maybe I'll get more active now & try to "get my money's worth".. ugh.  Hopefully at least some good stories will come out of it!  If you didn't know, it's almost $70/month if you just do one month.  And I think I'm paying 30something for 3 months.  If there were more people actually in my city on it who would buy me dinner, I could more easily pay it off with dates. hah.
Totally my fault.  I knew the risks.  Curse eHarmony.

UPDATE: eHarmony gets worse.  Someone just contacted me whom I've already met.  I've been to house.  I've blogged about him, I think (one of the worst first dates I've ever been on.. at the dive bar).  He asked me if I had wanted to chat.  I responded and said, I believe that we have already met and that have been out before..and that I think I have been to his house before.  And I'm not interested in communicating again but thanks =)  Ayayayay.  It's crazier out there every day.

Things to be proud of..

Okay, so I am an utterly bad blogger.  Who is surprised.  Not me, oh well.

So it's been a funny week or so.  All kinds of turns of events.  Tonight I was chuckling at several things that have come up & that I'm trying to work through.. and I decided to write a post stealing the style of Glamour mags "Hey it's ok" (to not feel bad about these things) style that I enjoy reading =)

Hey it's ok:
To not want to accept your ex's LinkedIn connection invitation..
To "connect with" another guy on LinkedIn that you had a short something with & be proud of his well polished resume that he's posted.. which sounds familiar because you wrote it & helped to clean it up.  He might not be a keeper but his resume looks good, if I have to say so ;)
To feel too lazy to get a spray tan then seriously feel the need to look at the celebrities who are famous fellow "whities"... although Anne Hathaway looked kind of good with her "bad" spray tan in Bride Wars as it wore off.  Curse her.
And to justify getting a pedicure because the last time you polished your own toe nails you spilled so much polish you had to get a new rug.. might as well have paid for the pedi vs. the rug & gone through less trauma!

And hey it's ok to hope it keeps raining enough to clear off your windshield until you need an oil change so that they can just refill your windshield washer fluid because popping the hood of your car just gives you too much anxiety.
        And it's okay to have gotten used to using your closed toilet seat as a place to iron/keep your small ironing board set-up on.. & store other things on/around.  And totally justify waiting a little longer to get it fixed.  The price for plumbing is probably going down or I'll probably inherit a really useful & handy  boyfriend tomorrow who can fix it.

Hey it's ok:
To not have the nerve to ask the ER doctor if he is single even while you were strung out on drugs & in his care but now want to stalk him?  (not sure on this one - hey it's okay or not okay?!  what do we think?)  He did give me his name on my prescriptions & of course I remembered anyway =)
To say that you will never ever go on ChristianMingle.com & that it's totally creepy but go ahead & accidentally browse it, just in case you might change your mind.  [And not surprisingly find out that the same men on it or the same men on all the other dating sites (just like you, go figure!)]
To be a little relieved that you are almost done being 27.. even if you are not ready to be 28.  Cause even numbers are better anyway & you've been 28 in your mind for a little while now anyway.

Hey it's not ok:
To litter & use styrofoam but why are we still doing it?!
To reconnect with your ex who finally contacted you after several months, right before your bday weekend & right after a traumatic health event.  This really isn't okay, I hope I can be strong?? Yikes!

Anyway, that's all I have for tonight.  Thanks for sharing this time with me in my deliriousness & insomnia.  XO

First dates. .further examined

So we all know that I try not to be too "judge-y".. maybe this is the problem with me & dating.  My counselor seems to allude to the fact that I could be more selective at times.  But hey, I'm too old to keep up certain things about a dream guy like hair color, height, sharing all the same interests as me, etc.

I try to hold fast to a few things that are actually important - religious beliefs/values, non-smoker, hopefully has a job, in the age range that I'm looking (this varies but it's usually my age.. nearly 28.. up to early forties).  You know, the basics.  Beyond that, other things are a bonus.  I have a knack for finding guys who are less than handy so I may start looking to specifically date a plumber or electrician or "handy man" as a trade.  

I'll go on a first date with anyone with the basic credentials as previously stated.  I'll also go on a 2nd date with anyone who does not seem to be a serial killer

   do I know what these are..no not really but now I do because I looked it up:

    Dr. Phil's 14 signs of a serial killer

   [If someone discloses that they are involved in tormenting small creatures, they could be a serial killer.]

Or if I can tell by date 1 that they are not over their ex/take me to a date with only outdoor portable restrooms (see previous post), then they are not 2nd date worthy.

I'm trying to think of what some other traits I should pinpoint as deal breakers should be..you should help me add to these please..comments are requested!

What I should add to my list of first date deal breakers:

-Talking about not being able to pay their mortgage right now & that they hope their parents will just help them out (This happened. He was 33, I think & had time to get a 2nd job but just didn't want to do it.  We went on several more dates, oops).  Red flag missed

-Their ex calls them more than once through the course of the date & they are not having an emergency with a child from their relationship.

-They mention the word marriage & they are referring to us (this actually happened on a 2nd date, not a first but still, um, another red flag gone by the wayside.. it did creep me out a bit but I moved forward anyway)
-(if met through online dating site) - They lied about ANYTHING in their profile.  If they said they had blue eyes & they are bluish green, deal breaker.  One strike & they are out on this one.

Things that currently make me hesitate before a 2nd date but maybe should not:

-They had really bad breath (especially if we didn't kiss & I already know that..)

-They are skinnier than me.  This could actually be okay as a factor, if I'm not too picky or crazy about it..according to Dr. Neil Clark Warren & "Finding the Love of Your Life" because you should be physically attracted to that person eventually or in some way.
-They have a really nice car.  I like to think that I'm not so vain & that I don't care about outward appearance stuff as much & wouldn't want someone who cares enough to drive a crazy nice sports car or something..but there could probably be worse things ;) (see above!)

Lucky #24ish? The first date.

I've been trying to tally the number of first dates that I've been on.. I keep thinking of more as I make the tally..oops =)  I think that I'm somewhere in the mid-twenties.  Seeing that I've been dating (after college) for nearly 6 years now, that actually doesn't seem like that many.. And I feel like I've been on many more than that so strangely the # feels smaller than expected.

Tonight I'm going on yet another one.  I'm a little excited because last night I googled "average # of first dates before marriage" & other similar things & it seems like someone somewhere (no sources that I can find), have said this # is 24.  I found this factoid on multiple sites.  This could be my 24th first date!  It could be all over after tonight!!  Or that date could have already happened if I've forgotten a first date along the way.  Some of the first dates I can't for sure remember their names (I've now recalled them all except 1 & I think I might know his name.. otherwise they were labelled by where we met or something distinctive about them until the  name came to me).

Does that number seem high to anyone else though?  Don't you think that most people you know have gone on far less first dates?  Maybe people in LA & NYC with their hundreds of first dates inflate the #.  I think that I've gone on a lot more first dates than most other people that I know.  There was a large amount of discussion around this fact about what constitutes a first date.  I'm counting a legit first date where we talked & either food was consumed, a beverage was drank or an activity (not just making out) took place.  Maybe one where I already had their phone # would be a good rule of thumb in the classification?

Honestly, I think that about 80% or higher or my first dates led to further dates or at least more communication & an attempt at making a 2nd date.  Only 2 of them have ever felt like a complete waste of my time/that I would have rather been watching bad tv, sleeping, or doing something else.  One of them was just so boring & he was really weird (bad weird not good weird like I enjoy) but also quiet & we had nothing to talk about..like nothing.  And we all know I could talk to a wall, if I wanted to be chatty with it.  We were having a nice dinner at one of my favorite restaurants which made it worse because it was slow.  And the good food could not even redeem the date because I would have rather dined their alone & enjoyed the food without the awkward company.  This is also one of the people whom I still cannot remember his name.   

     I only agreed to go on a date with him because he approached me & a gorgeous friend out 

     at a bar (I have many extremely gorgeous friends so insert any name here..).  But 

     anyway, we were totally intimidating because she's tall, blonde & pretty & I'm tall & we 

     were probably younger than the typical demographic there, so we stood out.  He 

     introduced himself & was so nervous his hand was super SWEATY.  I felt so bad for him 

     & basically gave him my number as a reward for being sweet & having the nerve to talk

     to us & ask me out (of course I got the attention when he found out I was the single one.. 

     I will never be sad for being the consolation prize when my prettier friend is taken, btw, 

     it's whatever).  As overconfident as it sounds, I believe in positive reinforcement & did not

     want to squelch this action from happening in the future.  If he had the nerve to make 

     something happen, Good for Him!!  He was probably shorter than me too or he is in my 

     mind & obviously isn't all that confident but had the nerve to approach us in this case & I 

     didn't want to ruin him.  

The funny thing is.. he never texted me after the awkward boring date either.  Guess he wasn't actually rewarded by getting my number or my presence either, hah, the irony of it all.

The other bad first date was set-up to be awkward & bad from the get-go.  We had texted a lot for at least a week or two.  He was coming back in town & got separated from his friends that he was out of town with (he opted to take a later flight because he got flight credits or something).  So he asked me to pick him up at the airport (which he lives close to) & then we were supposed to go to dinner.  I picked him up at the airport & he didn't look like I expected, first off.  Not a huge deal but weird moment #1.  And then he had to hop in my car & I took him to his house because he wanted to change.  He then disclosed that his ex gf for like 4 years had been house sitting for him while he was gone.  Awkward moment #2, 5 minutes in..  And he talked too much about her for my comfort on a first date.  Then I got to sit around his house while he changed.  #3.  Our restaurant choices (in this part of town that I know little/nothing about) were something like O'Charley's, Rubys, & a local bar where he goes all the time.  Of course I said the local bar.  
Turns out, the local bar is more like a huge frat party.  #4, 5, 6, 7, 100.  Even though I think it was a Sunday night, we sat on the patio close to where people were playing corn hole & partying.  He knew all of the people who worked there & some of them even sat down & joined us at our table, on our first date, on their smoke break from work.  His bar friends were actually entertaining though so that wasn't a huge problem though it was weird.  Also, the restrooms were porta-potties.  There were allegedly "normal" bathrooms inside too [I found this out later when I made a snarky comment about the restrooms there].  I'm not against this place in principle, if you had been dating someone & they took you there on a Saturday night or something.  But first date.  No.  At least wait to take me somewhere without proper plumbing until the 2nd date.  After we had a drink at the frat party place, he said they don't really have good food.  Nice.  But I was glad to leave.  Of course we didn't leave before I got hit on by a drunk old man while my date was paying our tab.  We got wings to-go at a place he said was too shady to eat at.. though I told him I thought it was nicer than the place we had been & at least had real restrooms (this was probably not nice but oh well.. that's when he said the other place did have restrooms inside too).  The wings were good.  We ate them at his place & I went home.  He texted me a week later.  I didn't respond or just told him I wasn't interested.  Yikes.  So that wasn't as horrifying going through it & writing it out but let me tell you.. it was uncomfortable & not a fun Sunday night.  If football was going on, that might have made it worse to miss a game, can't remember what time of year it was.. I think is was hot/was summer though.  Yeah, I had on short shorts & was also mad that I had taken the time to look cute & wash/dry my hair.  Well, I'd rather have been watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition & crying my eyes out (I don't know what other tv airs on Sunday nights). 

Okay, here's hoping tonight goes well.  24 is such a good number too.  Hopefully that actually IS in fact the # of dates of been on .. I'm feeling lucky.

Online dating profiles - the "slightly" adjusted truth

So it's not a secret to most people that I've been on & off multiple dating websites for um who knows how long.. but when I go back to them I seem to always find my way to old reliable match.com.  After the end of a significant relationship & taking a little time to catch my balance & readjust to being single again, one evening I went into a fit of rage at my mopy self, reactivated & did some major upgrades on my match profile.  Then I began the process of sorting through profiles, winks, emails & what texting/dates (5 so far) it has led to..  after a date last night I first wanted to enlighten everyone into some of the ways that people can lie on their profile.  

Let me first say, I've met a lot of men on this site who are good guys (not serial killers or rapists), have even dated some for several months & for the most part I've found that the majority of profiles are honest & accurate.  I've heard from guys that they've met a lot of women that looked nothing like their 5 year old profile pics.. I guess this happens so much so that a lot of men now have a rant in their profiles about having recent pictures.

And really, despite some of the stretched truths that I'm about to discuss, even those guys were just typical men out there trying to do their things.  They are no different than the people we work, play, & possibly go to church with..  In my previous online dating experiences, there hasn't been as much truth stretching but this time around I've run into a few white liars so far.

So the biggest lie I've found so far this time is Location - one guy put that he lives in City A (where I live) but I now know he actually lives about 3 1/2 hours from there.  If you're not familiar with Match, you can post what area you are from & the distance away from it that you are willing to meet someone so you could make that 300 miles if you wanted to find someone across the state or in nearby states.  And you do not get force matched up with people so you can view all profiles.. if you're looking to date someone in a city where you don't live (i.e. DreamCity USA), you can easily search for them.  You do not need to lie about your whereabouts on your profile..obviously when we start texting, in my case, I will find out that you really don't live here & be more annoyed that you lied about it.  I was excited to meet you & probably wouldn't have cared about the distance, had you disclosed it up front.  Between that and some other early red flags, no thanks.  Weird.  Even weirder possibly is lying about your location within the city.  This happened with a guy that I actually dated for several months.  It's not surprising now/should've been a red flag but I am awesome at overlooking red flags & just thinking that something is a little strange.  Said location liar #2, put a different "area of town/city/zipcode" than where he really lives (he's actually on the complete opposite side of town at least 30 miles from there) because he thinks that women stereotype men of his gender who live in the actual metro area of our city.  Hello, do you really want a woman who would stereotype you based on that anyway?  It's not a big deal where he really lives but these small lies indicate something, I think.  I'll go with my gut from now on for any small profile liars.

The worst part about any profile lie - it makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. In a world where I can't keep up with everyone's demographics to begin with.. you're making me feel even more crazy by having to look up your profile & confirm or deny what I thought I read versus what I'm now finding out.  Sorry but my memory of your profile is usually right. 

Shoot, except I was just wrong.  I went on a date last night & I swear he didn't mark that he was divorced but I just looked up his profile & he does include that accurate info.  I'm pretty sure that he didn't have it that way all along & that he did not indicate that he had a child previously either but now his profile says that he does, maybe someone already called him out on it.  Or my memory might have messed up this time, there's no way to know.  This is why I need a "little black book" dating app.  If you know a computer programmer that I can work with to design one, let me know.  I'm open to dating guys who were divorced/have children but you should not lie about it on your profile.  Once again, why would you want to date someone who is not open to that anyway?!  You're going to woo them so much & then drop the bomb?  No.

Oh, and I know someone whom I see smoking fairly frequently & he lists himself as a non-smoker.  Again, this one is going to come out.  Quit smoking or change your profile.  Especially because you might go on a date with a dental hygienist, such as one of my bffs, who will notice your smoker's teeth in .2 seconds & may or may not even change her mind about sharing a meal with this big liar.  Or me who has no sense of smell except for cigarette smoke yuck, but who am I kidding, I'd stay for the dinner or drink & tell myself maybe you are quitting smoking tomorrow =)

One more easily lied about fact is height but that's such a dilemma that it needs an entire post to itself.

As far as the truth in advertising with profile pictures go - I've only been a few dates where I didn't recognize the person & they were all recent.  One of the guys had gained some weight I think (not in a bad way, just looked different) & the other one had more facial hair & longer hair than I remembered in his profile pics.  I also haven't been getting on the site lately, I've just been texting some guys for a while & then meeting them.  I guess should go back & remind myself of the high points of their profile/their faces before I show up on the dates.  Again, little black book app needed.  Oh well, it's kind of funny to have an awkward meeting/look at each other strangely in the entryway of a restaurant or stumble up to a random person who is at a table alone & see what they say.  Maybe one day I'll do that to the wrong man altogether & he will end up being "my true love..."  bahah.  Yep, that's how it's going to go down.  Stay tuned for that & more fun later friends.  Please share comments, advice, similar grievances & such.